How Saying No, Is Actually Saying Yes
The word 'no' by dictionary definition is a negative used to express dissent, denial or refusal. The word' no' can often be fraught with pressure and stress because it can disappoint.
WHO WANTS TO HEAR NO?
In reality, saying no can be a real positive statement and offer many benefits. When TAKING SPACE WITH GRACE ( grace defined as kindness and courtesy) in your interactions, no is sometimes a necessary response allowing you to hold onto your true desire. At those moments of decision, 'no' is protective; it supports your individual needs. "No, I can't go out this evening because (yes) I have to study for my exam,' 'No, I can't help you with money because (yes) I need to have my money for me: simple as that.
While saying no to one thing, aren't we actually saying yes to something else ? No and yes are closely entwined and no as an assumed negative can with different framing transform into a positive yes very quickly. I have a friend who drinks way too much. In the moment, she just wants to and when she says no to having a drink, she feels deprived, disappointed and kind of lonely because she isn't joining in with her friends. Sometimes, she is just plain frustrated saying no because she wants what she wants when she wants it. On the other hand, an hour or a day later, she remembers that she would like to be healthier and more in control of her choices and behaviors. She would like to spend less money hanging out and less time feeling woozy and out of control and bad about herself. Re-framing a no to drinking could actually move her attention to a yes about other possibilities in her life. Altering her usual belief or narrative from feeling deprived is accomplished by focusing attention forward to something else she wants at a later moment. It is short term delay for longer term satisfaction. 'No, I won't drink because it's expensive and I really want to go to Europe this summer. If I stop going out a few days a week and save that money, I can afford to visit my friend in Italy for a couple of weeks. She can tame and train her impulses by revising the story she retrieves from inside herself.
For my friend, saying no to drinking is actually saying yes to a vacation.
Ciao, bella!
Understanding when 'no' is not deprivation but preservation changes the entire perspective.
MOVING FROM NO TO YES
Re-framing requires slowing down a short term desire to make room to consider a long term desire. Try a practice of waiting three full beats before saying yes or no. If I buy this expensive meal, will I then delay being able to buy a new
bicycle ? Which do I really want at this time in my life ? I like the saying..'if you remember the item long after the price, then you should have it,' because it is not impulsive but implies that your choice has been felt through. It can be a buffer against remorse and regret. Sometimes a no to a long term goal and a yes to a short term desire is the way to go. So, breathe in, breathe out three times, short inhale and long exhale. Try and empty out the air. It clears and refreshes your mind.
Really catch your instinct for whether a yes or a no is optimal. Giving yourself space to decide, gives you grace to make your choice.
I believe the decision is up to you. Do you agree? Breathe. Yes or no?
